Monday, December 7, 2020

A Minimalist on the Move

 In 2010 I read a book that changed my life.  It was called "The Minimalist Parent" and it described in detail how stressful it is for children to be surrounded by stuff.  It suggested that a child should have access to only the amount of toys they could clean up in 10 minutes and that tidying up before bed was critical to a good night's sleep.

As the parent of 5 children, this was very freeing to me.  It made sense that a child should be able to take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves quickly and that the problem of mess wasn't that my kids were bad at picking up after themselves (although ....), but it was due to the fact that they were able to take out more things than they could manage to put away. Reducing the number of toys my children had access to helped (we rotated toys by keeping them in boxes).  

This principle of only having the amount of stuff we could manage to keep tidy has been a part of our lives ever since.  We reduced laundry by reducing wardrobe and why have 20 towels when we could have 10 and wash them more often? Each child had about 5 outfits and two pairs of shoes with extras being stored away until their current clothing needed to be replaced.  This made getting ready for school or church much easier because it reduced decision fatigue.

Another benefit for only keeping and maintaining what we need and not accumulating piles of unnecessary stuff means that moving is greatly simplified.  Each child had a box of their special items and a suitcase of clothing and as a veteran of 10 moves in the last 20 years, this has been very helpful.

Minimalist Moving tips:

1.) One month before the move get rid of everything you do not love. This includes furniture.  If it would cost less to replace it than it will cost to move it - get rid of it. Every time I move I sell a great deal of our furniture and then replace it once we are in our new house.  I've never had a furniture budget and most of what I buy is off of craigslist, at thrift stores, and Facebook marketplace.  I don't like the quality of most furniture that is available these days and I can appreciate an older piece made with quality materials that might need some love and attention more than anything I've ever gotten at Ikea. I've usually been able to buy good enough second-hand pieces that I can sell them for a profit and be able to outfit our new place with slightly better pieces.  It's a lot of work but each piece I own has its story and I really like it that way.

2.) Start packing everything you do not use on a daily basis. Things in closets, attics, under beds, garage, less used kitchen items, tools, decorations.  

3.) Use only three standard sizes of moving boxes, small (for heavy things like books), Medium, and large (for bedding and pillows.) Fill every box to capacity or they will crush when stacked. IF you have a box that has gaps in it, fill in the gaps with excess washcloths and towels.  I packed my entire kitchen without having to buy packing material by using my kitchen towels, hot pads, and washcloths. 

4.) Two weeks from loading the moving truck start camping: pack a suitcase   (include towels) and reduce the kitchen to the minimum. Eat everything from your freezer and pantry that you can possibly eat.

5.) One week from loading the moving truck stage all your boxes. You will want to pack the least important stuff first and the most important stuff last (beds, kitchen, clothing)

6.) Moving day: pack the truck with the heaviest items on the bottom (furniture, appliances), Medium boxes in the middle, and lightest boxes on the top which means the small boxes will be on the bottom and the large boxes on the top.  It sounds wrong but it works as long as you pack your boxes together to make cubes, rows, and stacks that are as even as possible. As you pack the truck use ratcheting tie-downs and boards to brace each section.  Things will shift in the truck and you don't want the whole load to jump out of the truck when you open the doors. Pack to the ceiling and pack it tight!

7.) After the truck is packed take one last bath with Epsom salt (your muscles will thank you), grab your suitcase and plants, and head to your new home!

8.) At some point you will need to put laptop computers, important documents, cleaning supplies, box cutters, a few towels, and toilet paper, paper plates and cups, and maybe a case of water and some snacks in a box that you take with you to the new house,  You won't want to be heading to the store the first time someone needs to go to the bathroom and realizes there is no toilet paper!

9.) Truck Arrival: establish a command center with computers and important documents.  As the truck is unloaded focus on setting up a functional kitchen, bathroom, and sleeping area. If you have movers hopefully you marked your boxes "kitchen, master bedroom" etc, instead of "blender, extra closet". You want them marked as the room they will be going to, not the contents or the area of the house it came from.

10.) Once all the boxes have been brought to their designated rooms, unpack and get rid of the boxes. Date any remaining boxes, label the contents, and seal.  Anything that hasn't been opened in over a year can probably be donated.

I'm sure everyone does things in a way that makes sense to them. This is my method and it works for me. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to know where and how to start and it actually doesn't matter where and how you start. Just start!

Blog's not dead

 Hello to whoever subscribed to this blog! I've been silent the last 5 years for a number of reasons but as this blog has been somewhat a chronicle of my life as a mother and my oldest son just graduated high school this year, I am feeling nostalgic. 2020 has been a year of metamorphosis and every challenge that I and my family have faced has lead to growth.  Some of it painful, but all of it necessary and good. I started this blog when my family moved to Philadelphia for 6 months (in 2008) and now we are 9 days away from moving to Tenessee permanently. It feels good and right to document this move and this life change. 

Friday, April 15, 2016

Surroundings


If depression were a flavor, it would taste like a glass of water.
Colorless and tasteless.
You could drink a bellyful and still be hungry.

If loneliness were a smell, it would smell like sunshine.
You could wake up on a beautiful summer day and inhale deeply,
  but never smell it's warmth.

If doubt were a sound it would sound the the echo of a footfall
 at the other end of a carpeted hallway.
      Did you hear that?

  But love, like water poured on a fist closed tight,
    seeps all the way to its center.

And love, like the afternoon sun surrounding the coatless beggar,
  warms his upturned cheek and clasps his frostbit fingers.

And love, like doubt, is a mystery and a wonder.
  How do you know it has tiptoed past?


-jm

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Colder than the heat of the snow

I see you laying in our bed
  and I lay in your shadow
The back side of your face a wall
  that does not break and will not fall
It's frozen in sunlight and covered in frost
   You're colder than ice but without you I'm lost

Your back is warm against my skin
   as I lay in your shadow
My lips are numb my heart's on fire
   and I burn without your aloe
I'm in flames but I'm afraid to show
  because you're colder than the heat of the snow

Drifting in sleep like the drifts of the snow
   as I lay within your shadow
I feel you breath through the sheets in our bed
I hear your sighs like a song in my head
I long for the dawn but don't want you to go
  You're the taste of the sunrise and the heat off the snow.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

The poem I read every January ...

When I Consider How My Light Is Spent

John Milton1608 - 1674
When I consider how my light is spent,
   Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
   And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
   My true account, lest He returning chide;
   “Doth God exact day-labor, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
   Either man’s work or His own gifts. Who best
   Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at His bidding speed,
   And post o’er land and ocean without rest;
   They also serve who only stand and wait.”

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Winter Solstice

Solstice
There is less daylight everyday
The sun burns through the sky
In ever shrinking circles

I watch the band of darkness grow
And know
That once the light becomes a golden ring
My lips will close
Beneath these songs I sing.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Don't be her shadow

I don't know if any of you have ever had to deal with the repercussions of a suicide but the amazing thing about it is how far reaching the effects are.  People you don't even know are hurt by it.  I wrote this after my niece's best friend hung herself.  I was afraid she might be tempted to do the same.  Normally I wouldn't share something so deeply personal and obviously painful but ... if somewhere in the vast world that is the internet someone reads this and realizes that suicide is an atom bomb of pain and devastation- maybe they will be inclined to seek help.

Don’t be her shadow

She hung her head and cried.
You said, “Your pain is my pain.”
She hung her head and cried.

She cut her wings and fell that day
She cut her wings and fell.
“Fall on my bed, you say I’ll catch your fall.”
You couldn’t know she wouldn’t call.

She gasped and choked,
She gasped and choked

You said, “I’ll catch ..
You said, “I’ll fall ..

She wept and said nothing at all.

She is not you, you are not she
I am not you, you are not me
And what comes next is what is true

If you were me and I were you -
I’d cling to something that won’t shake -
That will not fall
That cannot break
That will not leave
That won’t forsake
    - and cannot die
And loves you no matter what you try.

-JM Dec 18,2014



Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go
Oh, love that will not let me go
I rest my weary soul in thee
I give you back the life I owe
And in your ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be

My life is not my own
It's yours
My life is not my own
I know it's yours

Oh, light that follows all my way
I yield my flickering torch to thee
And my heart restores its borrowed ray
That in your sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be

So light a fire in my heart
And I'll burn for you
So light a fire in my heart
And I'll burn for you

Oh, joy, that seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not in vain

That morn shall tearless be

Monday, July 14, 2014

Things that quicken the heart ...

Right before the day meets the night
Rain that has not yet hit the earth
That exhausted final push before birth
The bridge between forgiveness and the fight

 … and tomorrow, when you know everything will be alright.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Throwback Thursday: Charissa 2 weeks old

I found this post, untouched and unpublished.  Can it be over 3 years ago that she was this little?

Little one, your history book is 14 pages long and I don't really know you yet but looking at you as you sleep just makes my eyeballs drown a little. I love your practice smiles.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

What to Pack for a no Sandwich Lunch!!!!

Gluten Free lunches:

Life kinds of stinks for a while when you go gluten free.  The following are some things that my family eats and packs in their lunches that aren't sandwiches and don't involve GF bread. Many are Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.


Potato sandwiches: 
mash up a cold potato and fill it with filling of choice (meatballs, tuna fish, lunch meat, broccoli and cheese?), close it up and eat it like a sandwich.


Kebab: because pretty much anything you put on a stick is cool
     sausage + pineapple kebabs
     Tater tot + meatball kebab  (store bought meatballs almost always have wheat in them)
     omelets cut up and put on kebab with cherry tomato and salami
     cherry tomato, basil, mozzarella kebab

If it's firm enough to make it onto a stick you can skewer it.  I like to do a protein and a carb but a fruit skewer or all meat skewer would work as well.


Bake Ahead of Time:
Pumpkin pie clautofis  This packs well in lunches and is best served cold. Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.


Paleo Breakfast bread:  super easy to pack in a lunchbox and tastes good at any temp (add tiny chocolate chips if you feel like pickier eaters wouldn't want to try it, I do think the recipe needs more sweetness so I add honey and more cinnamon) Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.

Almond Soda Bread:  I use half almond meal and half cashew meal. Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.


SoccaThis stuff is best hot and crisp from the oven but makes a super easy, super cheap cracker when baked up thin. Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Paleo, and SCD/GAPS legal.


SCD/GAPS, Paleo,  totally delicious, my kids hate sweet potato but love this
you could also use hash browns if you aren't interested in sweet potato

Other ideas:
tortilla chips and guacamole or hummus or bean dip
cabbage cups instead of tortillas or sandwich bread, you can fill these things with tuna salad, chicken salad, diced chicken, pretty much anything you would put on a sandwich except PB and J (yuck).
corn tortilla and anything you can put in a sandwich.  These roll best if you heat them first.
We've also tried apple sandwiches by coring and apple and cutting it up into bagel like slices.  It's just easier to cut up an apple the old fashioned way and eat it with peanut butter.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Belated Valentine.

 I Stutter When I Call

I falter when I talk to you
   I can't help
      can't help
  can't help it.

All I want
      I try
    I want to say
get's muted.

My mouth gets in the way
     of my heart.
         my heart --
       My heart
that speaks in threes.

I stumble
    I trip,
      I fall
  into my words
and say nothing at all.

But I love you.

And if I can just
      get
          it
       out
like an ocean fitted with a waterspout -
the torrent stays in and 3 words dribble out.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Songs of Sorrow

When you wonder if I’m there
  because I do not make a sound
            I am
  Loving you quietly in the background.

If you wonder if I know
what tears your heart in two
            I am
right here, arms outstretched for you.

If you’re asking “Do you care?”
 ( and you know I do)
           I do,
           I am
Holding you in my hand.


jm

Monday, December 30, 2013

White Christmas

Palm Springs for Christmas.  You normally wouldn't think of a white Christmas down there, but then, you have no idea how many tissues a family of 7 can go through in a day.  I don't know what it was about this flu but it started with Charissa waking me up in the morning with a febral seizure and progressed to 5 of us with over 103 degree fevers for days.  Add in a cough, some asthma and allergies and you have about 3-4 days of my life that I and the kids have little memory of.

You'd think that would have ruined Christmas, but it didn't.  For some reason, everyone who was sick was generous, kind, grateful and sweeter than I could ever imagine they could be.  I woke up one night in so much pain I was trying to massage my sore neck and little Isaac, who was sleeping next to me, woke up and said, "Mommy, I can rub your back for you."  I almost cried.

Not being able to take care of myself or my kids really made me look at my life, my attitudes, my choices and some of the bad habits I've gotten into and I was ashamed of myself.  Life goes by so fast I don't normally get the time to reflect and correct the way I need to but the Lord reached into what could have been an ugly situation and handed us patience, kindness, love, and thankfulness.

I got some nice presents for Christmas.  But I think being sick was the best one of all.

Friday, December 20, 2013

The Father of Christmas

Christmas is a weird holiday that both amazes and troubles me.  You have on the one hand a fat guy in bizarre clothes that only likes and interacts with prepubescent children and on the other, you have the Father of Christmas.  The real story of Christmas is that our Heavenly Father loves us and sent his Son to save us all from our sinfulness despite our unworthiness! 

  Yes.  This is is a post about why I hate Santa.

How do we know what is real?  We live in a world of "virtual" everything and the message that comes from the plugged in world is that fantasy is bigger and better than reality.  You can "go" anywhere in the world - online, you can look up any fact - online, you can see more amazing art in one hour than you could ever see if you were to spend a day at a museum or gallery - and all in front of a screen.  Is there anything lost in the pixelization of experience?

When I am online I can overwhelm my eyes and ears with data but the experience of the real world allows all my senses to take in and process information synergistically. I want my kids to so love the real things that they aren't tempted to immerse themselves in what is false.

God is real.  He permeates every atom of the universe where He displays His glory above the heavens, throughout the earth and from the depths of the sea.  The Bible has many passages about seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting and even smelling.  We can know God through all of our senses, but the two most communicative senses: hearing and seeing are the ways we can learn what is real about God.


The heavens declare the glory of God,
    and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Day to day pours out speech,
    and night to night reveals knowledge.



"For His invisible attributes, namely,
 his eternal power and diving nature
 have been clearly perceived, 
ever since the creation of the world 
in the things that have been made." 

We see him in nature, we hear about him through his word (the Bible).

The realness of things is important.  The trueness of things is as well.


"All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth

To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies" 


"The works of His hands are truth and justice; 
All His precepts are sure."

 The most impressionable time in our childrens' lives is in their earliest years where they explore, make comparisons and gather information that they later can organize and use to interpret their world.  We are helping them build a framework (an epistemology) that explains to them how they can know that what they know is real.

  When you believe something, you accept it as true.  Belief and an acceptance of truth are inseparable.  The person who taught you your first words, and how to put your pants on also taught you about Santa and Jesus.  Which do you believe?  Are they both true?  Are they both presented as true?

With the story of Jesus Christ our faith is built on facts gathered from reading the Nativity story in the Bible, what the adults in our lives tell us, and ... nothing else that is tangible.  

How can Jesus compete with Barbie?  

How can he stay real when Santa is proven false?  How can we show our children how to look for him, past the toy aisle and into the beautiful sunset splashed across the sky in bright pink and orange lights neon light?


Let's do a little comparison:

Santa
- promotes self-righteousness
- is uninvolved except for a once yearly check up
- encourages greed
- gives you what you want
- dumps his gift down the chimney and flies away


-Santa places his gifts under a tree, God hung His gift on it.


Jesus says
- "Let the little children come to me" -regardless of how good they are Matthew 19:14
- "Draw near to me and I will draw near to you" James 4:8
- Gives you Himself - "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:6-8
- Promises to never leave or forsake, asks you to be content with what you have Hebrews 13:5
- Asks you to "deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me" Matthew 16:24



What Christian virtue does Santa promote?  You can send him your list, but not a thank you card. So I have to ask, do you want the Man in the Red Suit, or the baby in the manger? Do you want a gift, or the Gift Giver? 

I honestly believe Santa is an idol erected next to the real and true Christ child that died to bring us more than a gift from X-mart

 Jesus is enough.  He is your real gift, your true pleasure. He's more than a seasonal Father, and the gift of salvation that started in the manger is eternal and cannot be lost, broken or worn out.


"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.

 I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

 John 10:10


"You make known to me the path of life; 

in your presence there is fullness of joy, 

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:11


"Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. 

No one comes to the Father except through me."

 John 14:6

"I have not written to you because you do not know the truth, 

but because you do know it, 

and because no lie is of the truth." 1 John 2:21



If you make a comment, and I hope you do, please keep it logical and thoughtful.  If you want to read something else entirely you can find me over at One Fun Mom with a gentler post about Christmas.






Monday, November 18, 2013

13



I brought some rain                                  
Cupped in my hand                                  
But stepping towards you and                  
With no further gain                                
I lost my harvest in the sand.                    

You stood there too                                
Arms stretched in shade                          
Which landed with no break                    
Behind me in the tracks I made                
 - your shadow in my wake.                    

Our gifts, though unreceived
Have joined the Sun and found
A garden where
They hit the ground.

--jm

Thursday, November 14, 2013

My very own top 10 list

I've been noticing a lot of listing in bloggerland.  Everything is a top 10, 20 or a "How to" article.  Since I'm not really the voice of authority on anything my top 10 list is a list of don'ts in honor of my son's 10th birthday party.


10 reasons why you shouldn't party plan after 10pm

1.) You come very close to miss-wording the evite to the army themed party

"We're going commando for Eliot's birthday party!  Come join us for a scavenger hunt and pizza ..."

I re-worded it.

2.) You consider planning a craft.

3.) You consider the fact that handing out prizes after the scavenger hunt would be a great way to get rid of all those smarties (for the winners) and dum dums (for the losers) left over from Halloween

4.) You set the menu: Pizza, Cake and Ice cream, knowing full well that over half of the guests can't have gluten or dairy, or both

5.) You forget that with daylight savings in affect, there will only be 1 hour of daylight for the party and the rest of the party will have to take place indoors.

6.) You suggest "The Bucketeers" as a part of the indoor entertainment  (Eliot wasn't too keen on this idea, whew!)

7.) You remind yourself that you will most likely have to bake 3 different cakes and start to consider this

or worse ... this

8.) You accidentally invite the wrong sibling in a family.

9.) You forget to invite the child's Father (it's been a long week people)

10.) You run out of ideas and decided "everything will work out" and "I can just wing it"

Friday, November 1, 2013

Going out with the Neighbors

When I was a child I remember dressing up for Halloween twice.  Once as some sort of Indian princess and once as a present.  You read that right.  Every little girls' dream: dressing up as a box.

At some point I think our family decided that Halloween was evil and it was better to rent a movie and watching it in a dark house while trying to ignore the sound of knocking and giggles that marched up and down the street past our house.

As a mother, I don't know why Halloween started to be a big deal for me but it has become something we start talking about in August.  It's all about the costume and never about where we are going to go and what we are going to do.  This year, after moving to a new neighborhood, I decided I'd really like to get to know all of our neighbors - so we invited almost everyone on our block over and our growth group friends from church helped us host games, snacks and chatting while the kids mowed their way through 6 lbs of candy.  I almost sent each child home with a barf bag.

I mean, what other day in the year does everyone expect to come face to face with the rest of the neighborhood?  Sure it's scary to invite a ton of strangers into your home, but now when I go around inviting everyone to church for Thanksgiving it won't be so scary and they'll know to expect me to do the rounds again around Christmas.

I'm tired of living my Christian life in a box and I certainly don't ever want to raise these guys in one either.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Do you feel beautiful?

When Eliot was in Cubbies his verse was "He has made everything beautiful" Ecclesiastes 3:11.  When it came time for him to quote his verse to his leader he said, "I am totally beautiful" and couldn't understand why everyone laughed.


I'm over at One Fun Mom today discussing beauty and how we as women see ourselves.  Join the conversation  here.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Newly born

You gave her your breath
  the taste of a hurricane
A fragment of a gale

You gave her Your breath and she turned into a wail

You gave her Your breath
  and she was as pink as she had been pale
  her human heart beat time
Declaring "all is well

Her soul fresh from heaven
Her lungs filled by God
Her song - heavenly and human.

I lay back on my pillow ... awed.


I've been working on this poem since Charissa was born - almost 3 years ago.  Somehow I could never get it right.  There is something infinitely amazing about a soul starting an eternal journey, the first voluntary breath is a staggeringly important moment and it just flies by with all the other labor and delivery drama. My prayer for all my children is that they use their voices to sing God's praises.




Thus says God the Lord,

Who created the heavens and stretched them out,
Who spread forth the earth and that which comes from it,
Who gives breath to the people on it,
And spirit to those who walk on it:
“I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness,
And will hold Your hand;

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Another kind of Beautiful

I have a friend whose mother has Alzheimer's.

She tells me that her mother used to garden, and then she corrects herself,  "My mother was a master gardener" she says.  "People used to write us notes that told us how much they appreciated her garden, she adds wistfully,  "it was so beautiful."

My friend remembers the year, not so long ago, when her mom forgot how to take care of the flowers and had to watch that garden fade.  It was very frustrating, but not so sad as the day she stopped looking at the flowers.

As she tells me this I try to imagine what it must be like to forget everything that you once loved.  Or what it's like to have years of work on a garden melt away like a sandcastle at high tide.

How can she go to visit her mother with the roles reversed? Child turns into mother, mother becomes the child.  How can she walk into her mother's house with strength and dignity and a heavy heart that misses the woman who raised her?

So my friend visits her mother and takes care of the garden when she can, she prunes, she waters, she gives and gives.

She is such a kind and generous woman - she's a better kind of beautiful.

1 Peter 3:3-4

New International Version (NIV)
                                3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, 
                          such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry
or fine clothes. 
       4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, 
        the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, 
which is of great worth in God’s sight.




Courage
The tear that swells
  but doesn't hit the floor
The foot that hesitates at the threshold
  and still goes through the door
The heart that never gave that way before
-- this is what Love is for. 

-jm




p.s. I'm doing a monthly column on beauty over at One Fun Mom  and this week there is a giveaway each day!  Check it out!  and if you haven't yet, please like my facebook page, maybe you'll win something ;)

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