I've been pondering this post for weeks now, not sure if I'm ready for the hate mail...
Last year, while in the RV, when Eliannah was still pretty little I had a change of heart. I stopped nagging, I stopped whining, I stopped moping and and lowered my expectations. Why should my husband work all day, come home and do my work too? I know that Biblically it is my role to work at home:
Titus 2:3ff Older women likewise are to ... teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
I joke with Phillip all the time that being a SAHM means that the commute is great and the boss is handsome but the pay sucks, the hours are horrible and there is no such thing as a sick day. That said, I love my job and in my attempt to be kind and submissive to my husband I have stopped asking him to help around the house. He has no jobs other than to lead our family spiritually and provide for our physical needs.
I can't tell you what this has done for our marriage. Instead of always setting myself up for disapointment or nagging and manipulating my husband to help me he has the freedom to amaze me and bless me when he helps out. I think he does the exact same amount of housework as before but he does it out of love. In my heart I have way more respect for him, I feel more loved when he does things because he wants too and feel like I have finally come to accept my role as designed by God. I am at peace and content (most of the time) and I know that my husband feels loved and respected when he can come home to a clean house and a good dinner (which needs to happen more often - I'm still working on it).
The only time I start to get crabby is when he tries to helpfully make suggestion on how I can do my job better. Maybe it's time to start working on humility next since I've got contentment covered ..... :)
(In case you are wondering, he usually gets home after 8pm so I have plenty of time to get things done and no excuse for a messy house)
4 comments:
since phillip doesn't get home until 8, do you all wait and have dinner with him? what time do your kids go to bed? have you just adjusted your schedule to fit his? just curious.
Lindsey, I used to wait around for him but since he is almost never home at a consistent time I stick to my own schedule. The only time this is a problem is when Phillip actually makes it home from work after I have put the kids to bed (around 7:30 or 8) but before they have fallen asleep. In that case he usually gets the boys up and reads and plays with them for a couple of hours (sometimes they are up until 10:00!) I don't like it when he does that but the kids need him and I can put up with their crabbiness in the morning.
ok, after reading your post yesterday i was totally convicted. sean rarely complains about our usually messy house, but that doesn't mean i should leave it that way, right? so yesterday i straightened and cleaned and baked and made a good dinner.... all to leave him right when he got home so i could go to the wmb meeting! but thanks for the inspiration!
lindsey in all your blog pics your house always looks clean!
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